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i can't imagine what it feels like to have a daughter with mental illness.
i have drove my mother into a midlife crisis.
i am hesitant to even call her a mother anymore. she is trying to be a friend. she tries to buy my love. she lets me spend the night at random guys houses.
i know, where is the problem, right?
the problem is, it is 9:00 pm and she hasn't come home yet. she spends more time with her co-workers than she does with me. she has no problem with me doing things as long as it doesn't interfere with her 'Molly's Time'
(Molly's is the bar she now calls home)
All I have to do to get my license is prove to her that I am responsible enough to have it. But how can I do that if she is never around. If I had my fucking license, I wouldn't have to interfere with her precious Molly Time.
She takes me away from everything I know. All my friends. My boyfriend. Everything. And I can't even go visit them without her having to sacrifice her time and car and gas.
I have never been very fond of my mom. I started battling depression in third grade (after we moved for the millionth time) and all I really remember was wishing school wouldn't end so I wouldn't have to go home to her. I remember sitting in my room crying and ripping up pictures of her.
Everyone else loves her.
The sound of her voice makes me physically sick.
When I do something good for me, she makes me feel so fucking guilty about it because it was a slight inconvenience to her.
It feels like she doesn't care about my mental recovery anymore and just wants me to get better so she won't have to pay all the doctors and pharmacy bills.
she claims that she raised me in a christian home. in reality, the only christ-like example from her was driving me to church every sunday.
when i told her i didn't believe there was a god, all she could say is "what did i do wrong?"
fuck that.
Hush, now baby. Baby, don't you cry.
Momma's gonna make all of your nightmares come true.
Momma's gonna put all of her fears into you.
Momma's gonna keep you right here under her wing.
She won't let you fly, but she might let you sing.
Momma's gonna keep Baby cozy and warm.
people always say how lucky i am that i have a cool mom.
i say things like "yeah, i know"
but inside i am saying "i don't have one."
Religion is really dumb.
It has caused more wars than we can count, people are ridiculed, beaten and killed for believing a certain way.
But the thing that really bugs me is when people feel the need to shove their beliefs on someone else. America has freedom of religion but that does not mean you can force it on other people.
For example: my aunt has three children. the oldest son is away at college, the middle daughter is a sophmore in high school and the youngest son is a freshman in high school.
My aunt has a lot of problems. she's going through her second divorce and can't afford her house anymore, she is a third grade teacher, her kids hate her because she has never made an effort to have any relationship with her, she basically denounced having any relation to me whatsoever.
I know my mom and her family are christians but i have never really seen them live their life in a way that would show it. None of us (the kids) really had a good example of a christian life, yet still expected us to get it.
As of now, I am agnostic. But this story is about my aunt.
Her daughter is really into volleyball and it is hard for her to keep up her school work during the season. So here is the conversation between mother and daughter:
Mother: I would be praying about volleyball if I were you.
Daughter: I'll pray if I want to.
Mother: No. You will pray because I am telling you to.
Daughter: You can't make me pray. It's none of your buisness if I pray or not.
Mother: It is my buisiness and I am your mother. You will believe what I tell you to believe.
Am I the only one who wants to slap the woman? I don't even know what to say. Everything about that is fucked up.
You can't force someone to think like you. you can't force them to believe everything you believe. In trying, they actually pull away even more. The more you try to shove Jesus down someones throat, the more the more proof they have against him. People lose respect for you and to be honest, it's really annoying.
I remember when my mom found out about my agnosticism..I think she started crying. I was angry. The topic came up because she said you can't really love or hate anyone without knowing them. but she then said 'except marilyn manson. i hate him.'
I, being a marilyn manson fan, of course defended him and she just said 'He judges me."
So does this mean that the punishment for judgment is judging them right back. My mother hate someone she knows nothing about.
Just because he looks different and his lyrics aren't family friendly..she will never know what it is like to be him. At least he isn't using his religion as an excuse. If his beliefs offend you, don't listen to them. If you don't know him, don't assume you do. If you wish he wasn't so anti-christian..give him a reason to believe you should be. I understand both sides and I know that christianity doesn't mean anything today.
Christians are going to Marilyn Manson concerts and you would never be able to tell them apart. Christians are killing people, bombing abortion clinics, doing all of these things that I'm pretty sure Jesus wouldn't get caught doing.
Religion is a choice. A personal choice. I won't judge you for what you believe in...as long as your actions back up your words.
I am obviously not going to come to christ because the kid i snort cocaine with after school told me it saved his life. bullshit.
