What Do You Have To Say For Your Self?

Admit it!
Despite your pseudo-bohemian appearance
And vaguely leftist doctrine of beliefs
You know nothing about art or sex
That you couldn’t read in any trendy New York underground fashion magazine

posers. oh my god.

Prototypical non-conformist
You are a vacuous soldier of the thrift store Gestapo
You adhere to a set of standards and tastes
That appear to be determined by an unseen panel of hipster judges (bullshit)
Giving a thumbs up or thumbs down to incoming and outgoing trends and styles of music and art
Go analog baby, you’re so post-modern
You’re diving face forward into a antiquated past
It’s disgusting, it's offensive, don’t stick your nose up at me

what makes looking the same as everyone else appealing?
so what if i want to wear what i want.
sorry if i am not indie/scene/hip/fake enough for you.



You spend your time sitting in circles with your friends
Pontificating to each other
Forever competing for that one moment of self-aggrandizing glory
In which you hog the intellectual spotlight
Holding dominion over the entire shallow pointless conversation
Oh, we’re not worthy

Max Bemis wrote this song that explains the entire scene fantastically.



Things have gotten so ridiculous. As if there is nothing more important than looking a certain way for no reason whatsoever. No one really cares except you and the other people who are just like you. I can't tell the two of you apart.

When you walk by a group of quote-unquote normal people
You chuckle to yourself patting yourself on the back as you scoff
It's the same superiority complex
Shared by the high school jocks who made your life a living hell
And makes you a slave to the competitive capitalist dogma
You spend every moment of your waking life bitching about




'Cause I’m proud of my life and the things that I have done
Proud of myself and the loner I’ve become
You’re free to whine, it will not get you far
I do just fine, my car and my guitar

I know a few of these assholes. They are extremely annoying.
Unfortunately, I have never been lucky enough to have been confronted by one, but I know what they think.
When I walk past them and their "friends" I see the looks they give me and I just have to smile.

Nothing makes me feel better than knowing I didn't conform when I woke up this morning.

Well let me tell you this, I am shamelessly self-involved
I spend hours in front of the mirror, making my hair elegantly disheveled
I worry about how this album will sell
Because I believe it will determine the amount of sex I will have in the future
I self medicate with drugs and alcohol to treat my extreme social anxiety

So thank you, Max Bemis.
Keep on doing what you are doing.
I love it.

Give Me A Reason To Believe

Religion is really dumb.

It has caused more wars than we can count, people are ridiculed, beaten and killed for believing a certain way.

But the thing that really bugs me is when people feel the need to shove their beliefs on someone else. America has freedom of religion but that does not mean you can force it on other people.



For example: my aunt has three children. the oldest son is away at college, the middle daughter is a sophmore in high school and the youngest son is a freshman in high school.

My aunt has a lot of problems. she's going through her second divorce and can't afford her house anymore, she is a third grade teacher, her kids hate her because she has never made an effort to have any relationship with her, she basically denounced having any relation to me whatsoever.

I know my mom and her family are christians but i have never really seen them live their life in a way that would show it. None of us (the kids) really had a good example of a christian life, yet still expected us to get it.

As of now, I am agnostic. But this story is about my aunt.

Her daughter is really into volleyball and it is hard for her to keep up her school work during the season. So here is the conversation between mother and daughter:

Mother: I would be praying about volleyball if I were you.
Daughter: I'll pray if I want to.
Mother: No. You will pray because I am telling you to.
Daughter: You can't make me pray. It's none of your buisness if I pray or not.
Mother: It is my buisiness and I am your mother. You will believe what I tell you to believe.



Am I the only one who wants to slap the woman? I don't even know what to say. Everything about that is fucked up.

You can't force someone to think like you. you can't force them to believe everything you believe. In trying, they actually pull away even more. The more you try to shove Jesus down someones throat, the more the more proof they have against him. People lose respect for you and to be honest, it's really annoying.

I remember when my mom found out about my agnosticism..I think she started crying. I was angry. The topic came up because she said you can't really love or hate anyone without knowing them. but she then said 'except marilyn manson. i hate him.'

I, being a marilyn manson fan, of course defended him and she just said 'He judges me."
So does this mean that the punishment for judgment is judging them right back. My mother hate someone she knows nothing about.

Just because he looks different and his lyrics aren't family friendly..she will never know what it is like to be him. At least he isn't using his religion as an excuse. If his beliefs offend you, don't listen to them. If you don't know him, don't assume you do. If you wish he wasn't so anti-christian..give him a reason to believe you should be. I understand both sides and I know that christianity doesn't mean anything today.

Christians are going to Marilyn Manson concerts and you would never be able to tell them apart. Christians are killing people, bombing abortion clinics, doing all of these things that I'm pretty sure Jesus wouldn't get caught doing.

Religion is a choice. A personal choice. I won't judge you for what you believe in...as long as your actions back up your words.

I am obviously not going to come to christ because the kid i snort cocaine with after school told me it saved his life. bullshit.

She Wouldn't Change Anything For The World

I've been really into punk the past few days and I think my favorite song at the moment is "Thrash Unreal" by Against Me!

(side note: i saw them at warped tour last year and they were amazing. see them live before you die)

anyway, here's the lyrics.

If she wants to dance and drink all night then there's no one that can stop her.
She's going until the house lights come up or her stomach spills onto the floor.
This night is going to end when we're damn well ready for it to be over.
Worked all week long now the music is playing on our time.
We do what we do to get by, and then we need a release.



You get mixed up with the wrong guys.
You get messed up on the wrong drugs.
Sometimes the party takes you places that you didn't really plan on going.
When people see the track marks on her arms she knows what they're thinking.
She keeps on working for that minimum,
as if a high school education offered any other options.
They don't know nothing about redemption.
They don't know nothing about recovery.
Some people just ain't the type for marriage and family.


No mother ever dreams that her daughter's going to grow up to be a junkie.
No mother ever dreams that her daughter's going to grow up to sleep alone.


She's out of step with the style.
She don't know where the actions happening.
You know the downtown club scene ain't nothing like it used to be.
You reach a point where there's not a lie in the world
that you could use to make the boys believe your still in you twenties.
They keep getting younger, don't they, baby?

She's not waiting for them to come over and ask for the privilege.
She can still here that Rebel Yell just as loud as it was in 1983.
There ain't no Johnny coming home to share a bed with her and she doesn't care.

No mother ever dreams that her daughters going to grow up to be a junkie.
No mother ever dreams that her daughters going to grow up to sleep alone.

If she had to live it all over again you know she wouldn't change anything for the world


these lyrics, for some reason, really struck a nerve with me.

i am not a drug addict.
i am not into the club scene.
i don't sleep around.

but somehow, i can relate to her.

people judge her by scars on her arms and i know how that feels.

who are they to assume they know who we are?
we aren't just some statistic. we aren't a number on a page of some psychology book.
we aren't broken, we are just damaged.

the thing that bothers me the most is when i see someone looking at my arms and make a face. most of the time, the face is in some form of disgust or as if to say 'freak' or 'emo.' but i hate when they don't say anything about it.
they don't even try to get the story straight. they see my arms and they think they know everything about me.

you don't



i am not ashamed of who i am. i am not going to change my life to impress you.
it is not like you don't have problems. we just deal with them differently.
i don't judge you for being an asshole, why judge me for cutting myself.

i'm don't like what i do, but just like the girl in the song, it's my life. you have no rite judge me. you don't have any business to be involved in mine.

we don't need your sympathy and we seriously don't want it either. all we need is a friend. all we want is for someone to hold us and tell us that everything is going to be ok.

we don't have to impress you and we don't plan on it either.





so yeah, keep this in mind. not only with scars or track marks, but anyone who may not look like you. no one is perfect, some just hide it better than others. you will never know what they are going through unless they tell you themselves.

i of all people know that not everyone who cuts, or has an eating disorder..not all of the cases are the same. you can't read a book about heroin addiction and immediately know the girl in the song's story. only she can tell you that.





^conversation between cory and me^