there's pixies tugging at my hair

I was hoping I could tell you this with two feet on the ground
But I don't think I can talk, because I'm not very stable right now

In this dream that I had....
"You can't kill heroes"
that's what we said to them
"You can't kill us"




i realized today what keeps me going day by day.

knowing at the end of the day that there is, in fact, someone who loves me.



there are people in my life that are keeping me here.
there are people here who save my life everyday.

no matter what i do, i am not alone.
maybe there is no one here holding me at night.
but i have hope that it won't be that way forever.



I found fountains of imagery that are passing
Through me like a knife
From a group of friends that prefer to attack from the back
I'm trying to grasp concepts of your dimensions
While my universe is laced around your wrist
I am the bracelet you sport
I am everything that you have ever missed, and more



sometimes, i get lonely. but i think i finally realize that it's normal.
everybody gets lonely.
if they didn't, half of my itunes library would not exist.
i would have no idea who nick thomas.

(nick thomas is the man behind the spill canvas)



days like today give me hope that, even i, can be happy.
i finally believe that i can survive the next year.

a year from now, i will be 18.
if i can make it to 18, everything will be ok.



Your picture in my hand
I am at the mercy of your photograph
The halo above your head
Has set ablaze the heavens my angel
It's 3 AM and I am sneaking out your back door
A goodnight kiss and I am stumbling to my car

And I never thought I'd feel this safe again
In a million years
And lying next to you, and hoping that it's true
And with you I'm truly in my element, my element with you

We Only Say Goodbye With Words

my entire world has gone downhill and i can't stop it.


i talked to him for hours last night.
i will never need heroin as long as i have him.

but sometimes i fell like it's a one sided thing.



i used to think the opposite.
i used to feel bad because i thought he was giving and giving and i was just taking.
but that isn't the case.


i am always the one that has to go out of my way for him.
he never has time for me.
so when he does, i pick up and drive an hour to see him.

i realize now that he doesn't understand how big of a deal that is.
gas, time..me and my parents give up a hell of a lot for me to be able to see him.



we always have to work around his schedule.
he is all i have, i don't have a schedule.

for example, i was on his side of town on saturday to see my family.
he was supposed to call me when he got off of work so we could do something.

he did and said that he was picking up his x-box from home and he had to go to this guys house because his family is out of town. he asked if he could go over there and then see if the three of us could do something.

(me and the other guy have a past. i don't have a problem with it but he obviously still feels guilty because he makes it really awkward.)



i say thats fine. whatever.

he calls back an hour later and says "yeah, will is really sick so we can't do anything."
so he plays x-box all night.

he calls back later and asks if he can see me the next day (sunday)
and says he will call me then.

>

so sunday, i wait for him to call all day.
ALL DAY.

i basically give up.
at like, 5:30 PM
he finally calls.

"i'm free until about 8:30 if you can still do something"

so i drop everything and run to him.
i drive an hour to be able to see him for 2.

and he doesn't even appreciate it.



last night i was talking to him on aim.
i am spilling my heart to him.
crying my eyes out.

all he has to say is "brb"
then he goes outside to smoke a joint.



it wasn't always like this.


so when is enough, finally enough?