Someday You Will Ache Like I Ache

i wonder if it's all my fault?
why am i never good enough?



i don't even know what i have gotten myself into.

i don't care about anything anymore.


things were fine. but then suddenly in a matter of 10 minutes, i come crashing down again.

i am trying so hard not to relapse.
usually when this happens, i would come to you.

but i can't this time.



i'm sorry for everything.

that i moved.
that i fucked up so many times.
that i didn't appreciate you.
that i didn't tell you the truth.
that i let you down.
that i let you get to me.

chelsea warned me about this.
i should have listened.
i told her it was going to be ok.
that we were both happy.

but i guess you could have been happier.

i should have fucking known when you started smoking again.
that was the red flag, wasn't it.

i saw it coming.
i don't think you realize how much you talk about her.

and at the park.
you said you might go to the concert with her. and you saw the jealousy.
you said i didn't have to worry.

and i believed you.



i did the best i could

Tangerine, Tangerine

Thinking how it used to be,
Does she still remember times like these?
To think of us again?
And I do.

Oh, myspace.

I found my ex-boyfriend's myspace a few days ago.

(scott)


after the breakup, it seemed we didn't really have anything to talk about.
so we slowly lost contact.

we broke up right before christmas 2 years ago.
the next january, i found the love of my life and i don't regret anything that happened between me and scott.

it has been a year since i last talked to him.
and seeing his myspace, looking at his pictures, it made me miss him.

not necessarily as a boyfriend, but just in my life in general.
he was funny.
he was a very good friend.
he cared about me a lot.

we shared a lot of really great memories.
and i miss having him around.

i miss his brother.
i miss him mom.
i miss his dog.
i miss his couch.
i miss his friends.



Measuring a summers day,
I only finds it slips away to grey,
The hours, they bring me pain.

as mentioned above, i found someone else after scott's departure.



it has proven to be the most ridiculous relationships in the history of ridiculous relationships.
but i love him with everything i am.

if i had to pick between never finding him and having scott as a friend now...

i would never see scott again.
no contest.

Tangerine, Tangerine,
Living reflection from a dream;
I was her love, she was my queen,
And now a thousand years between.

Your Dry Cleaning Won't Be Ready Until Thursday

for the record, i didn't do anything wrong.


i didn't want things to turn out this way.


it is truly amazing how much one tiny decision decision could ruin everything you have ever come to know and love.
was it my fault for asking? is she just overreacting? was he worth all of this in the first place?

he was my best friend before he was your ex-boyfriend. i helped get the two of you together. I LIKED HIM THE WHOLE TIME. i have liked him since the day i met him. i guess you never heard the story of how me and cameron got together in the first place?



you say that a true friends would not have even asked in the first place. well ok, but i did. and you said to go for it. it is not my fault you lied to me. and it is not my fault that you were such a fucking pussy you couldn't even say it to my face. you couldn't even say it to me. you told it to the entire world. go play in traffic.

you tell me to stop playing the victim. but i am the victim. you hate me and want me to die, but it could have been prevented. you didn't even like him. even cameron said he was happy for us and cameron would have done any thing to be with me again. you lied to me and you pointed out my 'mistake' and told the whole fucking world.

he found someone else who lives closer to him because he is a lazy fuck. and isn't man enough to tell me about her. but instead of lying, he just ignores me. we haven't spoken a word since that night and i hope you have fun with her. i hope she makes you fall in love with you and i hope she rips your heart out and slowly inserts a knife into, right in front of your face. I hope she puts it on the grill and cooks it and forces you to eat your cold lies.

thats still only half of what i felt.



and you don't have anything anymore. we were each others lives and now you have no one. I miss the times we had together but it's not worth it. you say you can't trust me, but you have no reason not to. I never lied to you. i told you what was what to your face. Then you get mad because I said that I cant trust you. I have good reasons not to trust you. Not once in all of this have you told me the truth to my face. It really hurts to find out that your best friend is not anything you thought she was. Its hard when she tries to destroy the life that you have built together.


i miss my sister. my best friend. my lincoln.