Someday You Will Ache Like I Ache

i wonder if it's all my fault?
why am i never good enough?



i don't even know what i have gotten myself into.

i don't care about anything anymore.


things were fine. but then suddenly in a matter of 10 minutes, i come crashing down again.

i am trying so hard not to relapse.
usually when this happens, i would come to you.

but i can't this time.



i'm sorry for everything.

that i moved.
that i fucked up so many times.
that i didn't appreciate you.
that i didn't tell you the truth.
that i let you down.
that i let you get to me.

chelsea warned me about this.
i should have listened.
i told her it was going to be ok.
that we were both happy.

but i guess you could have been happier.

i should have fucking known when you started smoking again.
that was the red flag, wasn't it.

i saw it coming.
i don't think you realize how much you talk about her.

and at the park.
you said you might go to the concert with her. and you saw the jealousy.
you said i didn't have to worry.

and i believed you.



i did the best i could

I Need You Like A Heart Needs A Beat

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late



this song speaks to me on several different levels.
one, is me singing it my (ex)best friend.

a series of events and mistakes (on both of our parts) destroyed us.
no matter what was done or said, she would not accept my apology.

i can picture her singing this to me.



I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late



the second way is to a boy.

time and distance separated and at the first sight of trouble, i ran away.
i can see him singing this to me.

i hope i never will, but i can see it.

he might have a hard time and maybe even a tear in his eye
but i can see why he wouldn't want to give me another chance.



i am very good at screwing up good relationships.

leaving him was my third major mistake of the past summer.
i regret it every day.



It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-
I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...

I'm Not There

It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It don't matter, anyhow
An' it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If you don't know by now
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm trav'lin' on
Don't think twice, it's all right

why did we fall apart?
it feels like just yesterday we were sitting on your couch watching 'the haunting.'
i guess it wouldn't matter if i told you now that I wasn't really scared..

i just wanted you to hold me.
it was one of the best feelings in the world.

but i guess i just wasn't enough for you.



It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
An' it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
I'm on the dark side of the road
Still I wish there was somethin' you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talkin' anyway
So don't think twice, it's all right

my mistakes have caught up with me and all i can do it regret
i wish it was still you kissing me. i hope someday it will be.
i don't think you understand how much i miss you.
do you ever think about me?



It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
Like you never did before
It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
I can't hear you any more
I'm a-thinkin' and a-wond'rin' all the way down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I'm told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
But don't think twice, it's all right

you can still call me if you wan't.
i may not be able to hear you.
but i promise to try.
i need you with me.
it isn't the same knowing that tomorrow won't be any better.
you made my summer the best ever.



I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe
Where I'm bound, I can't tell
But goodbye's too good a word, gal
So I'll just say fare thee well
I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don't mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don't think twice, it's all right

is this what you think of me?

How Long?

while you are away
my heart comes undone
slowly unravels
in a ball of yarn
the devil collects it
with a grin
our love
in a ball of yarn

he'll never return it



where is the line that says 'this has gone on long enough?'

how many broken hearts will it take to realize that mine can not be broken anymore?




how many times will i forgive and forget and regret?

how many times will i leave the one i really want for the one who is convenient?



how many times will i lead him on?

how many more friendships will i ruin because i want something more?



how many more mistakes will i make exactly like this one?

how many more hearts will be broken before i decide to do what my heart tells me and not just my mind?

how many times will i hurt myself with this fucking charade?



how many more tears will be shed?

how many more nights will be spent alone wondering what could have been?



how many more times will i second guess my decisions?

how many more lives will i scar?



how many more times will i push you away?

how many more days will i ruin?



how many more moods will be killed by me?

how many more times will i drown myself in nostalgia?

how many more sad songs will i write?

how many more sad songs will i relate too?



how many more years of therapy?

how long until i am happy with who i am with?


not until i am with you.