What Goes Around

i talked to him.
it was one of the hardest things i have ever had to do.
my computer was messing up and i was logged into AIM on my friends name.
he thought he was talking to her.
i informed him he wasn't.

we decided to continue talking.
it was incredible.
but it just reminded me of how much i miss him.


It's My Birthday Too

so it's my birthday and i couldn't be more miserable.


I Don't Know You

I saw him on Friday. Sunnie finally got me out of bed and we went out to eat. After, we went to town center. I saw him there. I started crying. He asked how I was. I mumbled a "fine" and then I ran away. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. It was the first time I had seen him in months.

Sunnie told me he asked her what was wrong with me. Why had I ran away without even saying a word?

"Did you expect her to sit down and exchange pleasantries?"

I have come to terms with the fact that I have made a huge mistake. I never wanted Frank at all. I just didn't want to be alone. The one boy I ever loved had kicked me to the curb and I felt like trash. To this day I feel like trash.

I hardly ever leave the house anymore. I don't ever answer my phone. I don't talk to anyone. I determine a good day on wether I get out of bed or not. My OB/GYN asked if it was possible to decrease my meds. I told her no. If anything I need to increase them. But I can't. If I increase my meds it will hurt the baby. If I decrease them I will hurt myself.

I cry all the time.
I can't even explain it.