Love Love Me Do

so i did a project for a group i am in.
we take a camera everywhere with us for 24 hours and take pictures of it.
i decided to do mine on valentines day.

and this is the result.

well i woke up in a mess because i was up all night finishing cameron's valentines day present.

then i drank some coffee and watched one of my favorite movies

then my babyy brought me flowers. it was so sweet.

and my other baby liked them too.

then i took a shower while i listened to good music.

while i was in the shower, i got a delivery.

then, i went to group therapy and we went out for pizza.

when i got home cameron came and took me out to dinner.

then we got gas and came back to my house.

the entire day was absolutely amazing.


When I Woke Up

i wrote this for piece of art i created last night.
i have created a lot but i think i am the proudest of this particular one.
my scanner is broken so i can't upload the actual page
but here is the story.

When I woke up in the morning,
Screaming, crying, sweating.
It was in that moment that I knew..
As long as I was living,
I would be living in fear.

I looked over my shoulder,
I saw the monster that infects my dreams.
At night, he sings softly in my ear.
He tells me I am beautiful.
I am his muse.

One night, he took me to the cemetery.
It was there that he showed me my future.
I was frightened, but he held my hand.

The next night, it happened again.
But this time, I did not wake up.
I was no longer afraid.


coming and going

wow. i haven't updated on here in a while.

i am doing incredible.

i have come so far in just a year.

i am no longer stuck in suicidal hole.
i haven't purged in over 3 months.
i haven't cut in a few weeks.

i have been out of the hospital for over a year and i am happier than i can ever remember being.

i am slowly backing off on my meds.
i am seeing my psychiatrist and nutritionist only once a month and i am healthy.

i know i am not perfect, but i feel like i am finally taking the steps i have needed to take for years.

i hope one day i can be an inspiration to people who are in the same place i was a year ago.

so since this year has begun some things have happened

trainspotting (the book) has been steadily changing my life.

pretty much everyone forgot my birthday.
and even if they had not, i was sick so i couldn't do anything.

i had a nightmare that cameron killed himself last night and no one cared how i felt.

i got across the universe on tuesday and have watched it 24 times since.

we got the house i wanted and are moving next weekend.
i can crawl onto the roof from my window
and it is walking distance from camerons.

life is good right this second.