Life's No Fun Without A Good Scare

when did halloween become national slut day?

i looked for rape statistics on the difference between halloween and the rest of the year, but i couldn't find anything.
therefore, i can not be sure that more people are sexually assaulted on halloween, but i certainly would not be surprised.

i am pretty sure when she put on her outfit, she wasn't expecting anything but a good time. going to a party with some friends.

she gets thirsty.


someone saw her in her cute costume and decided to spike her drink.

she ends up raped, maybe dead.

still worth a night of fun that you will never remember because of all the alcohol?

The origin of Halloween is that it was the one day of the year that the disembodied spirits of all those who had died throughout the preceding year would come back in search of living bodies to possess for the next year.
It was believed to be their only hope for the afterlife.
The Celts believed all laws of space and time were suspended during this time, allowing the spirit world to intermingle with the living.

Naturally, the still-living did not want to be possessed.
So on the night of October 31, villagers would extinguish the fires in their homes, to make them cold and undesirable.
They would then dress up in all manner of ghoulish costumes and noisily paraded around the neighborhood, being as destructive as possible in order to frighten away spirits looking for bodies to possess.

haunted houses are the best!

When Love And Death Embrace

so this is the end.

i am single.
i am still in love.
i am alone.

this is what it means to start over.

i ran out of potential love interests and we all fucked each other over.

he was the boy who claimed a lot of my firsts. but not as many as i would have liked.

now i have not a single boy to pursue me.

when i am lonely, i have no one to talk to.
i have no where to go.
i have no one to kiss.
i have no on to hold.
i have no one to take the rest of my firsts.

i wanted it to be soon.
but i guess that won't be happening.

I am the only one of my friends who is a virgin.
I'm not ashamed of it or whatever. I think it is part of life.

i am upset about being a virgin because I feel like no one has ever wanted me. I never had to stop anyone from moving to fast in a relationship. I would have fucking let you. i would have.

but you didn't. we stopped and drove home.

i wanted you so bad. i still do.

but i know i won't get it.

i am a virgin. i don't want to be a virgin. And I see no way of changing the situation.


At Your Funeral

last wednesday, my uncle committed suicide.

i can count the times i met him on one hand, but i had a really hard time at his funeral today.

i didn't know what had happened until after the service. and when i realized it was a suicide everything was different.

i would be lying if i said it didn't bring back suicidal thoughts in my head.

i saw his mother and brother crying, and i felt for them.
the world lost a great man.

the service was in remembrance of the wonderful life he led and to reflect on the good memories.

it made me think that when i die, however and whenever that may be, i can be remembered for the good i did.
the worries that fill my head after that thought are along the lines of 'would anyone really come to my funeral?' or 'would anyone even notice or care if i died?'

Nikki Sixx said that attending a funeral made him feel alive. it made him see how beautiful life is and changed him.

this funeral did the exact opposite for me.

it made me feel even more dead inside. more hopeless.

my uncle was 46 and his death showed me something..

what if it isn't going to get any better?
what if i am going to be this sad forever?
what if i spend the rest of my life wishing i were dead?


This Is The First Song For Your Mix Tape

i made him a mixtape. yes, a TAPE.
i hope he will know it was me.
i hope he listens to it and loves it.
i hope he will think of me.

1) Dig- Incubus
"If I turn into another/dig me up from under what is covering/the better part of me. "

2) Boats and Birds- Gregory & the Hawk
but you can skyrocket away from me/and never come back if you find another galaxy/far from here with more room to fly/just leave me your stardust to remember you by

3) Treehouse- I'm From Barcelona
I have built a treehouse/Nobody can see us/it's a you and me house

4) Back In Your Head- Tegan & Sara
i just want back in your head/I'm not unfaithful but I'll stray

5) In Bed All Day- Tilly and the Wall
I want to come over/I wanted to say/There's nobody else that I want to stay/in bed all day

6) Oh! Darling- The Beatles
Oh! Darling, if you leave me/I'll never make it alone/Believe me when I beg you/Don't ever leave me alone

7) Please Don't Let It Go- HIM
We're drifting apart/But I want you to know/Wherever you are I belong

8) Sweet Tangerine- The Hush Sound
Sweet tangerine, will you please come back to me?/Cause I don't think that these feelings are gonna leave

9) Second Chances- October Fall
I will stand outside, wait for you to come find me/I will keep on my light by my bed till you get home/i won't sleep tonight/until you get home

10) Swing Life Away- Rise Against
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end/I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

11) Half Alive- Secondhand Serenade
And I was trying to disappear/But you got me wrapped around you/I can hardly breathe without you

12) Maps- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Wait/They don’t love you like I love you

13) I Go To The Barn Because I Like The- Band of Horses
i'll wait/for you to come down/where you'll find me

14) Love Will Tear Us Apart- Nouvelle Vague
Why is the bedroom so cold/Turned away on your side?/Is my timing that flawed/Every feeling run so dry?

15) Apologize- OneRepublic
I'd take another chance, take a fall/Take a shot for you/And I need you like a heart needs a beat/But it's nothin new

i will do whatever it takes to make things right again.

I Need You Like A Heart Needs A Beat

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

this song speaks to me on several different levels.
one, is me singing it my (ex)best friend.

a series of events and mistakes (on both of our parts) destroyed us.
no matter what was done or said, she would not accept my apology.

i can picture her singing this to me.

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

the second way is to a boy.

time and distance separated and at the first sight of trouble, i ran away.
i can see him singing this to me.

i hope i never will, but i can see it.

he might have a hard time and maybe even a tear in his eye
but i can see why he wouldn't want to give me another chance.

i am very good at screwing up good relationships.

leaving him was my third major mistake of the past summer.
i regret it every day.

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-
I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...


I'm Not There

It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It don't matter, anyhow
An' it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If you don't know by now
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm trav'lin' on
Don't think twice, it's all right

why did we fall apart?
it feels like just yesterday we were sitting on your couch watching 'the haunting.'
i guess it wouldn't matter if i told you now that I wasn't really scared..

i just wanted you to hold me.
it was one of the best feelings in the world.

but i guess i just wasn't enough for you.

It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
An' it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
I'm on the dark side of the road
Still I wish there was somethin' you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talkin' anyway
So don't think twice, it's all right

my mistakes have caught up with me and all i can do it regret
i wish it was still you kissing me. i hope someday it will be.
i don't think you understand how much i miss you.
do you ever think about me?

It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
Like you never did before
It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
I can't hear you any more
I'm a-thinkin' and a-wond'rin' all the way down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I'm told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
But don't think twice, it's all right

you can still call me if you wan't.
i may not be able to hear you.
but i promise to try.
i need you with me.
it isn't the same knowing that tomorrow won't be any better.
you made my summer the best ever.

I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe
Where I'm bound, I can't tell
But goodbye's too good a word, gal
So I'll just say fare thee well
I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don't mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don't think twice, it's all right

is this what you think of me?


How Long?

while you are away
my heart comes undone
slowly unravels
in a ball of yarn
the devil collects it
with a grin
our love
in a ball of yarn

he'll never return it

where is the line that says 'this has gone on long enough?'

how many broken hearts will it take to realize that mine can not be broken anymore?

how many times will i forgive and forget and regret?

how many times will i leave the one i really want for the one who is convenient?

how many times will i lead him on?

how many more friendships will i ruin because i want something more?

how many more mistakes will i make exactly like this one?

how many more hearts will be broken before i decide to do what my heart tells me and not just my mind?

how many times will i hurt myself with this fucking charade?

how many more tears will be shed?

how many more nights will be spent alone wondering what could have been?

how many more times will i second guess my decisions?

how many more lives will i scar?

how many more times will i push you away?

how many more days will i ruin?

how many more moods will be killed by me?

how many more times will i drown myself in nostalgia?

how many more sad songs will i write?

how many more sad songs will i relate too?

how many more years of therapy?

how long until i am happy with who i am with?

not until i am with you.