i dazzle myself sometimes. one day i find out i am likely pregnant, the next i see my therapist stoned. my face is disgusting from picking at it constantly. but he still thinks i am beautiful. a small part of me wants to be pregnant. i have the entire dream in my head and i love it. walking down the street hand in hand pushing the stroller. we would be adorable. money would be a problem, as would our ages..but there are plenty of people in worse situations that can make it work.
the other part of me is scared out of my mind. i don't want my life to end here. there is so much i still want to do. what about art school and moving to new york. all my dreams would be unattainable. i want to spend a year in italy. having a baby at 18 years old would not be a step in the right direction to reach those goals.
on the cameron front, i still have my box of memories. but i finally deleted his messhuga album off of my computer. i had a dream about him a few nights ago. i wish more than anything that i could just get over him already. but i can't. don't get me wrong, i love Frank but i can NOT seem to get over cameron. I want to more than anything. Everywhere I turn is something that reminds me of him. everytime i log on to facebook, i see him making friends at school and living life. but he is everywhere. i don't know what to do.