there's pixies tugging at my hair

I was hoping I could tell you this with two feet on the ground
But I don't think I can talk, because I'm not very stable right now

In this dream that I had....
"You can't kill heroes"
that's what we said to them
"You can't kill us"




i realized today what keeps me going day by day.

knowing at the end of the day that there is, in fact, someone who loves me.



there are people in my life that are keeping me here.
there are people here who save my life everyday.

no matter what i do, i am not alone.
maybe there is no one here holding me at night.
but i have hope that it won't be that way forever.



I found fountains of imagery that are passing
Through me like a knife
From a group of friends that prefer to attack from the back
I'm trying to grasp concepts of your dimensions
While my universe is laced around your wrist
I am the bracelet you sport
I am everything that you have ever missed, and more



sometimes, i get lonely. but i think i finally realize that it's normal.
everybody gets lonely.
if they didn't, half of my itunes library would not exist.
i would have no idea who nick thomas.

(nick thomas is the man behind the spill canvas)



days like today give me hope that, even i, can be happy.
i finally believe that i can survive the next year.

a year from now, i will be 18.
if i can make it to 18, everything will be ok.



Your picture in my hand
I am at the mercy of your photograph
The halo above your head
Has set ablaze the heavens my angel
It's 3 AM and I am sneaking out your back door
A goodnight kiss and I am stumbling to my car

And I never thought I'd feel this safe again
In a million years
And lying next to you, and hoping that it's true
And with you I'm truly in my element, my element with you

Like A Living Disaster

I lay quiet
waiting for her voice to say
"Some things you lose and some things you just give away"



Watch me lose her
It's almost like losing myself
Give her my soul
and let them take somebody else get away from me



Called her over
and asked her if she was improving
She said "feels fine" it's wonderful wonderful here



Curse me sold her
The poison that runs it's course through her
Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over



Turn her over
A candle is lit, I see through her
Blow it out and save all her ashes for me



Scold me failed her
If only I'd held on tighter to her
Pale white skin that twisted and withered away from me away from me





I survived a suicide attempt about a year ago.

i am not going to preach to you about how my eyes are open to a brand new view of life.
sometimes i still wish i didn't survive.

but the hardest part was having to come home and see the disappointment in my friends and family.
i understand how they feel.



if you are scared for someone you know, talk to them. talk to someone.
tragedy can be prevented.

there have been several occasions when i have relapsed and thought about trying again.
my friends have saved me.

sometimes, all we need is someone to talk to us.
we need someone to listen to us.
we need someone to understand us.
we need a friend.

Please Don't Take Him Even Though You Can

i have always wished my name were Jolene.

you know, like the Dolly Parton song?

your beauty is beyond compare
with flaming locks of auburn hair
with ivory skin
and eyes of emerald green


that's me.

but lately, i have found myself in situations where i have the need to put myself in Dolly's shoes and sing to other girls.

ok, one specific girl
but you get the idea



she doesn't fit the description like me, she is actually pretty ugly.
and i didn't know about her until AFTER she stole my man.

but if i could go back in time, i would so sing this to her.



well I could easily understand
how you could easily take my man
but you don't know what he means to me, jolene

he helped me through a lot and i had liked him for a long time.
i sacrificed a lot to be with him.
but i guess i was replaceable.

i wonder if she even knew about me

This Is The First Song For Your Mix Tape

i made him a mixtape. yes, a TAPE.
i hope he will know it was me.
i hope he listens to it and loves it.
i hope he will think of me.



1) Dig- Incubus
"If I turn into another/dig me up from under what is covering/the better part of me. "



2) Boats and Birds- Gregory & the Hawk
but you can skyrocket away from me/and never come back if you find another galaxy/far from here with more room to fly/just leave me your stardust to remember you by



3) Treehouse- I'm From Barcelona
I have built a treehouse/Nobody can see us/it's a you and me house



4) Back In Your Head- Tegan & Sara
i just want back in your head/I'm not unfaithful but I'll stray



5) In Bed All Day- Tilly and the Wall
I want to come over/I wanted to say/There's nobody else that I want to stay/in bed all day



6) Oh! Darling- The Beatles
Oh! Darling, if you leave me/I'll never make it alone/Believe me when I beg you/Don't ever leave me alone



7) Please Don't Let It Go- HIM
We're drifting apart/But I want you to know/Wherever you are I belong



8) Sweet Tangerine- The Hush Sound
Sweet tangerine, will you please come back to me?/Cause I don't think that these feelings are gonna leave



9) Second Chances- October Fall
I will stand outside, wait for you to come find me/I will keep on my light by my bed till you get home/i won't sleep tonight/until you get home



10) Swing Life Away- Rise Against
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end/I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand



11) Half Alive- Secondhand Serenade
And I was trying to disappear/But you got me wrapped around you/I can hardly breathe without you



12) Maps- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Wait/They don’t love you like I love you



13) I Go To The Barn Because I Like The- Band of Horses
i'll wait/for you to come down/where you'll find me



14) Love Will Tear Us Apart- Nouvelle Vague
Why is the bedroom so cold/Turned away on your side?/Is my timing that flawed/Every feeling run so dry?





15) Apologize- OneRepublic
I'd take another chance, take a fall/Take a shot for you/And I need you like a heart needs a beat/But it's nothin new



i will do whatever it takes to make things right again.

I Need You Like A Heart Needs A Beat

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late



this song speaks to me on several different levels.
one, is me singing it my (ex)best friend.

a series of events and mistakes (on both of our parts) destroyed us.
no matter what was done or said, she would not accept my apology.

i can picture her singing this to me.



I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late



the second way is to a boy.

time and distance separated and at the first sight of trouble, i ran away.
i can see him singing this to me.

i hope i never will, but i can see it.

he might have a hard time and maybe even a tear in his eye
but i can see why he wouldn't want to give me another chance.



i am very good at screwing up good relationships.

leaving him was my third major mistake of the past summer.
i regret it every day.



It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-
I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...