We Only Say Goodbye With Words

my entire world has gone downhill and i can't stop it.


i talked to him for hours last night.
i will never need heroin as long as i have him.

but sometimes i fell like it's a one sided thing.



i used to think the opposite.
i used to feel bad because i thought he was giving and giving and i was just taking.
but that isn't the case.


i am always the one that has to go out of my way for him.
he never has time for me.
so when he does, i pick up and drive an hour to see him.

i realize now that he doesn't understand how big of a deal that is.
gas, time..me and my parents give up a hell of a lot for me to be able to see him.



we always have to work around his schedule.
he is all i have, i don't have a schedule.

for example, i was on his side of town on saturday to see my family.
he was supposed to call me when he got off of work so we could do something.

he did and said that he was picking up his x-box from home and he had to go to this guys house because his family is out of town. he asked if he could go over there and then see if the three of us could do something.

(me and the other guy have a past. i don't have a problem with it but he obviously still feels guilty because he makes it really awkward.)



i say thats fine. whatever.

he calls back an hour later and says "yeah, will is really sick so we can't do anything."
so he plays x-box all night.

he calls back later and asks if he can see me the next day (sunday)
and says he will call me then.

>

so sunday, i wait for him to call all day.
ALL DAY.

i basically give up.
at like, 5:30 PM
he finally calls.

"i'm free until about 8:30 if you can still do something"

so i drop everything and run to him.
i drive an hour to be able to see him for 2.

and he doesn't even appreciate it.



last night i was talking to him on aim.
i am spilling my heart to him.
crying my eyes out.

all he has to say is "brb"
then he goes outside to smoke a joint.



it wasn't always like this.


so when is enough, finally enough?