Going Through The Motions





hate myself.



i wish i had a time machine so i could go back to before we let vogue tell us how to look.

society wasn't always like this. during the time of mythology, being skinny was a sign that you were poor. you didn't have enough money to eat.

me, my mom and my dad were at the fine art museum the other day and we saw a statue of Venus, the god of beauty. My mom decided to open her mouth and announce that she did not find her attractive at all because she looked fat. My mom was bragging that she had a better body than the Greek god of beauty.

i remember when i found out about Bulimia-Nervosa. it was one of those school lectures about growing up. i remember thinking 'why would someone want to make themselves throw up?' I was sick a lot as a child. I have always had mild stomach olsers, so i threw up a lot against my will.

i just couldn't understand it.

but then i found myself caught in the hurricane that is an eating disorder and i understand why they do it.

it is like your insurance policy.

and you feel like hell afterward, but you can't stop.

stop telling us to give it up.
we can't.

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